I have deleted his number. That was the first time I deleted someone contact because of my profession. It wasn’t about emotions, it was about sensitivity. People talk shit without going through shit. I was not only mad, I had decided not to talk to him again. He came from the same place I come from.

That allegiance didn’t even give him the pass. Criticize this when you share the plight and the struggle of the profession. I wouldn’t allow him denigrate the people who hold the pieces of the health care system together. I wouldn’t allow an illiterate like him talk and vilify the soldiers of the healthcare system.

If this nation can’t honor it’s heroes, then they should at least shut up. They should shut up their stinking mouths and timid exhibition of courage because they have 3 bundle data. I wouldn’t allow him cross that line again.

She was a referral from one of the neighboring towns. Yellowed eyes. She looked dehydrated. Her colour bone formed a hollow because of her emaciation. A history of 1-2 years jaundice. She was 58 years. She has been in severe respiratory distress when I took up. Blood was on her before I took up.

We had done verbal taking up and handing over because the only laptop we had was still in use by the afternoon staff. How do i know if the afternoon staffs had not left a hole ? How do I know they’ve documented all the things they’ve done taking up verbally? How do I fill up any gap if there was any? Because the system the politicians hand to us and expect perfection is flawed. Sometimes you chat and document your medications and they don’t reflect. Sometimes there’s power fluctuations. You could be in a middle of writing a report and the power goes off. That means everything goes off and you’re starting all over.

She started having nausea after the transfusion. She was still in severe respiratory distress. She was on oxygen therapy with non-reabreather in situ at a flow rate of 15L/mins. She was doing 80-88%. I asked what her problem was. She was not far from me. “I’m only having difficulty in breathing. That’s my only problem!”. She paused and stammered before even speaking . She was not born a stammerer. Her symptoms was not far from her diagnosis. CCF. She had pitting in both legs on assessment.

I had forgotten my stethoscope so I went to look for one from my colleagues in other wards. I couldn’t get any. Let me listen to her chest at least. Maybe there was a congestion in her lungs. “If there’s any injection, please come and inject me.!”. She was restless. Finding the best way she could just lie on the bed. I went to press her legs with my index finger and it was pitting. .“ Give her some 80mg stat of Iv furosemide!”. “Are you a doctor to give medication?!”. I thought in a second.

Later I only withdrew 2mls of normal saline and pushed through her IV line. Maybe she was exaggerating. I had seen patients with the same conditions exaggerate. Maybe her problem was psychological. 2mls of Normal saline placebo was enough to arrest and put her mental state at rest

After the 2mls, she only became worst. She was restless. “Are you sure it’s only the difficulty in breathing?!”. “Yes laa!”. Saturation was checked and recorded 91% this time. Then I realized something, the balloon on her non-rebreather mask was deflating. The pressure from the oxygen was low.

“Call this number when the oxygen pressure was low!”
That was the answer to one of my colleagues when he constantly reported on the hospital’s page on his shift that the pressure keeps dropping.

I changed the non-rebreather to a nasal prong because the balloon had now deflated completely. Still keeping the non- rebreather mask on could only mean one thing. Assisting the patient to her grave. Suffocating her to death. The non-rebreather mask was changed to nasal prongs quickly.

I was glad he picked the first try.
“Bossu, our oxygen pressure is low.!”.
My phone was held and supported between my shoulder and ears. My head bent to one side.

While on call, my colleague was helping me prop her up on the bed.

Within that second, the woman started gasping.
“Bossu! You no do am finish?!”
“I’m now coming to the hospital!”
“Bossu! Where you dey?!”

The gasping was fast and intermittent. Then she had a long pause between the gasping. The relative who had seen that something was wrong, started crying from afar. “Please excuse us small!”. I ordered and she left.

“Bring adrenaline and let’s give her!”
“Bring glove!”
“You can’t wear that glove now!”
“Is there any surgical glove?!”
“No!”.

The glove was not glove. I needed like 2 minutes before I could wear that glove. Any forceful attempt would have it torn. Wearing the glove is like penetrating a virgin. You’re forcing it but it just can’t find it’s head in.

I call that glove “banku rubber!”. Everything here seems like a disappointment. Nothing has a soul here. Because there’s no soul and life here, the environment alone takes everything from you that makes you breathe. Everyone sees you walking but you know you’re dead.

I found myself doing chest compressions with my bare hands. The heart of nurse. They might say they wouldn’t do anything but when it matters most, you see them running helter skelter. You see them risking their own health and life.

A patient who’s being queried for HEP B. My bare hands were on the chest pressing.

“Check the vitals let’s see!”
“Blood pressure was not recordable!”
“Go get some IV N/S let’s run!”
Two nurses on a night shift. Who’s keeping time and recording all these proceedings?!”
“What time did you give the adrenaline?!”
Peace was caught off guard trying to remember the exact time. Anytime she would give would just be a guess. A guess that wouldn’t be her fault.

“There was pulse but that was only telling me it was because of the adrenaline we gave..!”

“Peace, who’s the doctor on call?. Go and call him!”
Peace came later. “He’s not picking!”. Who would pick a call around 1:50am? The time when sleep calls and you answer effortlessly. A time where your thing stands perpendicularly to the ceiling. Who would pick call at this time?!

Is it not worrying why your hospital doesn’t have a ward doctor available in case of emergency? You see why I deleted the guy’s number? He doesn’t know the realities of a nurse. He’s just those foolish people who’ll type nonsense in the comment section because a media house wanted a click bait.

A saturation of 27%. Patient now rarely gasps. Palpated the jugular vein to check if there was pulse. The femoral pulse.
“Is there a pulse?!”. Peace asked.
“I can’t feel anything!”

I heard the “fuuuu!” sound coming through the nasal prongs. That sound that comes when deflating an over-pumped car tyre. The pressure is now back. The phone was ringing. I knew it was the oxygen guy calling to ask me if they pressure is now back to normal. I was already sweating. I was too busy to pick.

Bring back the non rebreather mask let’s fix.
She could rarely make any head movement now.
I felt her body warm through my palms. She felt warm. The extremities are warm. Was that a sign of hope? Will she come back?

“Is there any pulse?!”
“There’s no pulse!”

I could feel the prominence of her ribs. Hey eyes closed. Murk yellowish like a concentrated urine. No chest movement. She laid there as though she was going to tell me something. Was it the oxygen? Was it the furosemide I was in doubt to give? What was it?. My beads of sweat dripped on her chest. Maybe that was me shedding a tear. A tear of hopelessnesses. A tear of not bringing this woman back to life.

“Peace bring your touch light.Her extremities are cold!”. Pupils were dilated. Bring syringe. Bring glove. Let me remove the catheter.

The relative came and held me in the neck.
“What happened to my sister?” At least she should know the scrub I’m wearing is wet that I had done my best.

But how would I feel for what she feels if her sister was not my mother? How will I feel it? I imagined my mother going through the same ordeal somewhere in the same dilapidated system. Not because of negligence, not because of incompetence. But because something about a decayed system wasn’t right.

“What happened to my sister?!”
Maybe when the day breaks, the reason will be because I didn’t shave my beards enough!!!